I fucking hate apple

I need a way to express how much I fucking hate apple and their fucked up interface.

I have just spent the last week trying to upload my app to the app store. The main concern being that I don't own an apple computer. This makes it very close to impossible to effectively work on an iPhone app.

First of all, the keychain access bullshit. To create your app profile you need to log onto an apple computer and use a program called keychain access to create passwords and shit for your app. Aside from the interface being fiercely counter intuitive to a windows/linux slob like myself, the whole process smacks of over-reactive security.

Then once you have got your keychain shit you have to create a provisioning profile. This appears to be for the sole reason of ensuring no-one but the people you select can use your app unless they buy it through the app store. This destroys one of the main reasons I like developing for android. I can make apps on android and hand them out how I want. Most of the apps I make have no market value and would only be useful to myself or a select few people I know. I don't want to have to go through a lengthy upload and review process to hand out a shitty app that plays fart sounds to a couple of my mates.

Heaven help you if you plan to sell an app. Google play store asks for one thing when you want to sell an app. The price. iTunes connect requests ABN registration documents, GST registration documents, you have to sign on to three separate contracts of sales, and all this has to go through a legal review process. FUCK. THAT. APPLE.

Once you manage to get through all the shitocracy, you go to registering your app. By this point my head was spinning from all the other processes I had just undertaken, mostly through the alien interface of my cousins mac, and I had no idea what I had just done. So naming package IDs and whatever the fuck else that screen wanted me to do was way past my cognitive capacity.

then I get a nice email from the review team:

Dear Black_Stormy,
The status for the following app has changed to Missing Screenshot.

Wow thanks for the descriptive response! I uploaded 4 screenshots, didn't I? Look, they're all still there on my application application! What the fuck is wrong with the four I already gave you? Cunt?

A few days later I get another email telling me that the details on my GST registration documents don't match the details I submitted when I signed up for iTunes connect. At this point I'm over the edge. I don't give a flying fuck about your goddamn GST shit you fart sucking cum gargler apple review cunt. I'd prefer to stab myself in the open eyeball with a homeless mans diarrhea covered anus than spend more time enraging myself over your convoluted shit stain of an application process. You can go peddle your dollar grabbing sideshow on someone elses lawn.

FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK YYYYYOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Wow! and only $100 per year! I can't even get a refund for that shit! There's hardly anything pointing my rage-glazed eyes towards a "delete account" button. There's no easy way to close your account and remove all trace of yourself from the apple system. I want to strike this experience from the internet record. I never applied for iTunes connect. Application Launcher? What's that? Sounds like something that would be intuitive to use and launches applications. Developing applications for the iPhone? Sounds like it would be a well designed process created to allow people from all backgrounds to freely contribute to the great platform that is iOS. HA! Do go on.

Here's an amalgamation of plagiarism I threw together from things I found on the net.