Look what I can do.
I am currently on my fried laptop. Blue lines cascade down my screen like merry digital waterfalls, the gfx card hums like an engine with no oil, chugging towards its inevitable demise, my time is short and blender is far, far out of the question. So I decided to use this time effectively. I am learning Java. And that right there is my first program. And I am proud of it. If you look closely you can see that I fucked it up the first time, but such disappointments make the successes all the sweeter.